MY WORDS; MY LIFE

so many things in my heart i dunno how to say...
am i damn to b quiet all my life and b ordered around..??

take ntuc for example... eventho i detest tt fucking auntie all i can do is shut the fuck and listen to her talk her crap...
is this my life..??

to b pushed around to b ordered around... to be controlled..?
sometimes i wonder... am i too soft..? i may do wrong things.. i may b in the wrong but it tends tt everything nt related to me cld juz suddenly be my prob..

wads wrong with this... i cld haf been a bad person..
i do things for my own reason.. mayb i haf done things tt actually hurts some1 before..
but i can truely asure that i have no bad intention in the first place...

fuck this whole feeling thing..
and i realize this blog is the only thing tt allows me to pour everything out..
since no1 reads my blog anyway only a few =)) ...

ppl share with me their problems.. i carry their burden with them.. i solve it with them.. i help them thru their problem ( eventho i may nt b tt great sometimes)...
i talk them out... i talk then round.. i feel i gt this heavy duty..tt is to listen to ppl ..
i guess tts my purpose on earth... i felt great tt ppl actually turn to me when they haf prob...

but little did i noe.. pouring out your heartfelt to some1 is so hard...
u need to find some1 tt is neautral in all cost to listen to u...

i hate those ....
when u tell them ur problem.. they will link link link and suddenly become they tell u their problem...

i hate those ....
when u tell them ur problem.. they ask u to get a life and stop being a emo fuck....

yes i am emo... wad cause me to emo...
sec skol days was my 1st emo encounter...
every1 thought i was a happy guy..
playing about all the time...
entertaining every1 with my crap...

little did any of u noe tt deep down in me.. i have questions to b answerd.. hurts to b resolve.. and pain to me cured...

i keep everything in me... i do talk it out sometimes.. but as i grew older i find it harder to confide in some1...i dunno why... tts my prob.. i am not saying all my friends r useless out there...

i keep it inside..
wadeva things i dun like...
wadeva shit i encounter...
wadeva crap i have to endure...
i keep it all in myself.. try nt to affect any1 around me...

am i doing all thse wrong? is it in the wrong to nt wana wry other ppl about my own problems??
if its nt wrong then why the fuck am i nt getting any better..?? everywhere i go i haf problems regardless of anything.. (mostly ntuc period)...

yes i am being emo again... but aint every1 is..?
u can tell some1 nt to b emo.. u can tell him its nt necessary but..(i do tt alot)
but u will only understand if u feel it...

why do ppl do and say things as and when they like.
do they have no sense tt it actually hurts some1 by saying such thing..?

and ppl tend to point out ppls bad points and shorthands... but haf they ever thought of themself..?

i haf seen alot.. ppl complaining to me but on the reality.. tt person is the 1 causing unnecesary trouble...

i use to keep very quiet... cux i dun wana hurt ppl with my words.. i think b4 i speak.. i try to put it in a good way.. cant ppl juz do tt? take a few seconds to think of wad they wanna say b4 they actually blurt out wadeva shit they have in their mouth??

will it kills to b kind..?

if no then every1 sld jolly well think about how u all haf been talking to ppl.. haf u all really been good? or were u all not any betta...
not pointing fingers at any1 but juz asking...

i open my heart to enemys.. ppl who once hated me i open my arms to accept them.. i befriend them.. ppl who i hate i forget them...so tt there wnt b hate in my heart... but often reminder cld b a nuisance...

example" i haf a big head" ppl keep saying keep saying.. ok its funni once twice.. bt more times it gets irritating.. u get angry.. every moment every second u were given names.. big head big head.. u cant take it u scold thems and shouts vulgarities...
then they give u tt stupid look and telling u to b more humourous and take it easy...

BIG LAUGH AT THIS 1....
take it easy?? cant ppl juz shut the fuck up then??
dun understand this world...

haix emo post today...
really dun understand... when will ppl really noe tt i am nt happy and try to confort me without me telling them ..
hard it may seems but i really hope there is some1 whom i cld actually confide in all the time...
i need tt some1... i gt ky but sometimes its about us then there is no1 i can confide in no more...

everynite after some emo phone conversation i get so alone.. i feel i am so unwanted... so unneeded...
wad i xpects doesnt happen.. wad i nv xpected happens all the time...
i guess tts my life...
an old chinese saying "this mux b my retribution for my doings of my previous life".. haha

hope my life gets betta...